Some Days…

I like to think of myself as an up-beat person, who copes with life’s up and downs with a smile on my face, but some days I don’t want to smile. 

Some days I don’t want to spend ten minutes in the kitchen trying to decipher what Becky is teling me.   She sometimes talks in a backward way, using phrases that aren’t related to what she’s saying, and some days I don’t have the patience to figure it out.  How hard is it to say, “the Tassimo machine didn’t work”?  In the meantime, my hot tea becomes iced tea and I have to re-heat it.  All I wanted to do was sit down and have ten minutes peace and quiet. 

Some days I don’t want Becky to drool chocolate stains on my white shirt.  I don’t want to have to brush her teeth again and wash her face because she didn’t bother, or forgot.  Some days I don’t want to spend five minutes in the road while Becky decides if she is coming or going and traffic is backed up to the next set of traffic lights.

Some days I don’t want to stand in the library for an hour while Becky picks out DVDs for the next week or look for the Access card that she has misplaced.  Some days I don’t want to stand Becky every hour, or stretch her tight muscles, or spend time with her trying to get her left hand to work.

Today is the day my Mom should have turned 74, but she didn’t, and while I am glad that Becky has survived, today is the day that I find it harder to manage knowing that my Mom isn’t there.

 

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About chebandbecky

I was born in Birmingham, England and emigrated to Canada in 1988. Becky is my daughter who was injured in a car accident. We are working towards her independence.
This entry was posted in Disability, Grief, Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Some Days…

  1. Tom Bradley says:

    Life can be wonderful at times, and yet so sad and empty at others…how well you’ve described the feeling of occasionally wanting to shirk all of life’s responsibilities…while it’s true we’re programmed to move forward, “some days” we just don’t want to…

    Brilliantly written, Cheb…one of your best…

  2. keedagiri says:

    I agree, we cannot smile all the time. And willing ourselves to be optimistic, kind and unselfish every single moment is impossible for nearly every person in the world. Besides that, I feel it would be very unhealthy, and beyond a certain extent, highly idiotic to keep up appearances all the time.
    By the way, I really like your writing style- it’s very interesting.

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