Spectacular Failure

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself this morning; the cat had kept me up the last two nights and I’d had a difficult weekend with Becky. I’m sure you’re all thinking that we’re comfy, cozy at the condo. Afraid not. We’ve stayed there three nights in the last ten days, and Becky has had six anxiety attacks/meltdowns. Obviously, things are not going well.

The hardest part is getting her to talk and figure out the problem. It’s like pulling teeth, or wrestling a bear. I’d rather have a root canal. Anyhow, Becky has not wanted to go to the day program, she’s yelled at her Dad for no reason, and has been having nightmares. I’ve had her home most of the last two weeks with no support staff and I’m pretty tired. I did not need the emotional stress on top. Too bad.

It appears that Becky just can’t handle the idea of independent living. She thinks she’s going to be left alone, and no amount of persuading will change her mind. I decided that there was no point going to the condo when it made her so unhappy. Let’s face it, this situation was forced on us. We weren’t ready and we didn’t ask for it.

Becky was concerned, and embarrassed, that she had failed. I told her that we learn from failure. Many famous people; inventors, artists, explorers, had to try, and fail, many times before they succeeded. As parents, Becky’s Dad and I could not be prouder. We are separated, but in this we are united. I reminded Becky of the film “Meet The Robinsons” about a family of inventors. When one of their inventions didn’t work, they called it, “a spectacular failure” and the whole family celebrated!

I’d like Becky to worry less about success and more about the trying, because I don’t think anyone could have tried harder. She put her heart and soul into her first attempt at independent living, and that is pretty spectacular!

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About chebandbecky

I was born in Birmingham, England and emigrated to Canada in 1988. Becky is my daughter who was injured in a car accident. We are working towards her independence.
This entry was posted in Disability, Family, Home, Life, parenting and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Spectacular Failure

  1. Spashionista says:

    I am so sorry that this has been so difficult for both of you. I wish there was something I could do or say to Becky to give her courage – and you hope. I hate it for both of you 😦

    Spashionista (Alicia)

    • chebandbecky says:

      Hi Alicia,

      It has been one of the hardest years of my life. Although I feel some sadness, there is also relief. Becky can continue to work on life skills until she feels ready to try again. The condo is ready whenever she is. Thanks for your support. 🙂

  2. larrylatour says:

    Glad to see you focusing on the positives. There are many. Hang in there both of you.

    • chebandbecky says:

      Sometimes the positives are hard to find, but if you look hard enough, you can usually see them. 😉

      We had a great night tonight. Stress is gone, and Becky is back to herself. Hooray!

  3. sabot03196 says:

    I can sympathize, my son Colin is Autisitic and for the most part non communicative. As seeing as he’s 6’2″ and just over 220lbs, when he has an episode, it can get, “Interesting.” Of course all you can do is go at their speed (and grit your teeth). It doesn’t help that these kids cease to exist in the eyes of the Govt. once they hit 21. We were looking to move house to get Colin into an Adult program but as luck would have it the program moved closer to us. So he’s now in his third week and settling in. Unfortunately all we could afford was two days a week but it is making a difference already. Good luck with everything.

    • chebandbecky says:

      Thanks for sharing your story. I had to wait a year for a day program placement after Becky finished school. What are parents supposed to do? I had to give up my business to be with Becky full-time. I’m glad to hear the two-day placement is helping you and I’m glad you found us.

      Cheryl

  4. quiall says:

    Before we can rise up, first we must fall.You BOTH have the strength of giants!

    • chebandbecky says:

      I’m glad Becky tried. It’s such an important life lesson; you can’t always get it right, and you learn more from getting it wrong. It was a big hit, but she has bounced back with such vigour that I realize it was the best, and only choice. Thanks for believing in us.

  5. Nancy says:

    You guys will get there. I guess it’s just a long process.

    • chebandbecky says:

      That seems to be the consensus. Same goal, different timeline. I’m sure, in the big scheme of things, it won’t matter.

      Thanks for your comment. I’ll pass on your support to Becky. I read her all the comments and e-mails. It has really picked her up. Thanks and have a great day!

  6. Eveline Kellman says:

    There are three wonderful people invovled in Becky’s struggle for independance. I am happy that you and Gerry are so united in giving so much love and support to Becky.. She was always a very independent and determined individual and these two traits will take her even urther in aiding her to become independent. Grandma K

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